They say it’s his birthday. . .

The Kid turned five today. The big FIVE.

It’s crazy because I swear that only yesterday he was curled up in his car seat, snoring away and getting pissed when I dared move him.

Now he’s five and has the mouth of a teenager.

Making cupcakes for his birthday while at my mom’s yesterday he called the cupcakes muffins.

I told him they were cupcakes.

“They’re for my birthday so I can call them muffins if I want to,” he told me.

Yeah. He’s so articulate. And I’m so enthused about it.

Like last week when he asked me to pass him the toy arachnid and when I looked blank he sighed as if annoyed and said, “The spider, mama. Hand me the spider.”

It’s very frustrating to him that mommy is so dumb.

He really hates it when mommy is dumb about his toys or superheroes or the fact yesterday he liked bacon and today he doesn’t.

We held a party for him over the weekend. It was him three boys and his cousins, all of them girls.

We didn’t play games. The boys played superheroes and caused my childless brother to end up huddled in the corner a couple times and me to lock myself in the bathroom at least twice.

The celebration continued to his real birthday, during which he asked for me and his father to do everything for him, claimed the TV and answered any of our protests with “It’s my birthday after all.”

I can’t wait until Tuesday when it isn’t his birthday anymore.

But for now I’ll enjoy this day, this amazing age of five and even the mouthiness that goes with it all.